I have not been on here talking about motherhood, in awhile. The summer was exhausting, and I learned ALOT while I was with my kids, every day. I am just learning as I go. Kourtney and Kalvin are 4 and 2. I love them so much, but gosh, they are challenging at times. Right now, at this stage of my parenthood journey. I am teaching them how to react appropriately and control their body.
Right now is the most critical stage of their development. The habits that they learn will be engrained. I am working hard at giving them redirection and positive self-talk when things get haywire. I DONT ALWAYS DISCIPLINE, immediately, during the heat of the moment. Punishing usually starts in the afternoon, because at that point, I am exhausted, they have heard it enough and are ready for a time out. When we begin our day hell yes, some situations occur, but I don’t get mad. I am very strict in my direction, I do not allow them to sink into that insecure whining and tantrummy mood. HOW, by planning ahead. Planning ahead has become essential to my success in all things, but especially parenting my two toddlers. I know what they need, I know what they will want, and I plan ahead so that I can be sure that BOTH of us are satisfied. Compromise. Toddlers want it their way, and mom is the boss. So I control situations by making my toddler feel as though she made a choice, and shes is getting what she wants. We choose clothes at the end of the night so that the next morning she knows what she is wearing. NO QUESTION. I do not let her change her mind. “you can wear that when you get home, or lets set that aside for tomorrow’s outfit. or you can wear that tutu/dress over your pants…” while I am doing this, I reinforce, “we made our choices, and now we have to follow through.”
Health and nutrition are essential to me. I limit sugar, processed food, and snacks. WHY because this is the time when children learn how to choose what they eat, and they are going to use these habits and eat a balanced diet. My daughter wants to start the day with chocolate milk, ok, well no… I started giving her Ovaltine, which is not that great, then I found children’s protein powders, and now I provide them with a choice of vanilla or chocolate Arbonne protein, which is a pea protein. I can manipulate her choices by 1 not introducing unhealthy options at all, or two merely saying no. “This or nothing” tactic is tough to follow through with, but if you do, after a few days, it won’t be an issue anymore.
When my kids went to the pumpkin patch, I saw them pulling their wagons. When they came across a pumpkin, they wanted I saw them size it up. Try and pick it up and move on if it was too heavy. I was able to watch them walk around the pumpkin patch and snap photos of them. All the while, I was thinking about how my kids have learned how to control their reactions. Instead of getting mad, they couldn’t pick up the pumpkin, they walked away. They worked together to pull and push the heavy wagon. Its just moments like this that are random, but examples of how parenting lessons are paying off.
My kid’s fight. My daughter is finally getting it because she called my name and walked away. I have repeated over, and over every time they fight that THEY BOTH WOULD NOT BE IN TROUBLE IF THEY WALKED AWAY FROM THE SITUATION. Seriously think, how important is that lesson… in life. My son threw a toy that should not be thrown, I took the doll and sat him down and explained it isn’t ok. Every time he his, of throws something he is removed from the situation, sat down and said no, we don’t hit it hurts our friends, or we don’t throw things because we like playing with our toy and we don’t want to break it. He is 2, so I keep it quick and don’t make him stay in the chair. Sometimes he is pissed and will throw himself on the ground. During that moment I say to him. Fine, if you want to have a tantrum go ahead, you can be mad, but we do not throw or hit THEN I WALK AWAY. This makes it totally clear to him that his tantrum has no effect on me. When he is calm, he gets up and goes about his business. He knows that what he did was wrong, and I don’t have to do anything else. He is 2.
My daughter is 4. If this situation were involving her, I would do the same exact thing, but tell her she needed to go into another room and calm down. I make her remove herself from going somewhere private. Or I carried her up and put her somewhere private. Then I tell her to come to me when she is calm, and I will give her a hug, and we can talk about it. Typically she is the one that is wrong because she hit or pushed her brother. So I generally am mad in this situation, so it allows me to cool my jets too. I am not perfect, and for sure, I will scream GO TO YOUR ROOM or something like that. I have noticed though the more that this is becoming an everyday thing, the easier it is for me not to flip out. I know how something is going to play out, and I am ok with the shit show knowing it will be ok in a short while.
When we are discouraged, we become insecure, negative, and shut down. Right. Well, when my kids were at the pumpkin patch and failed at picking up the big pumpkin time, and time again, I watched them fight their frustration by trying again and again. We celebrated the victory, and I was proud that they were able to enjoy the pumpkin patch without one meltdown. I just used the pumpkin patch as an example here because it is the moment that I realized my parenting techniques are working. Consistency is key. Going confidently in the direction of goals is so important, but not becoming discouraged by a hurdle and remaining positive while we carry on is the secret to success in life. We must never give up, and we must stay positive to reach our goal. I hope that this little storytelling post is helpful to you. I am sharing what I am learning as I go. Not giving you advice. You might have something entirely different that is working for you… The only piece of information you need to be a successful mother is BE CONSISTENT. Make a rule and stick with it. FOLLOW YOUR OWN RULES, MAMA.